Dating too long before engagement

What's more, it doesn't mean he has to agree with everything you have to say, as long as he respects your point of view. Not everyone is lucky to walk through life knowing exactly who they are—for most of us, it's a complex process of trying on different shoes until something fits comfortably. Figuring out what you want out of life is hard enough and you shouldn't put your aspirations on the backburner to fit into someone else's mold. You are satisfied pun intended in the bedroom department. While sex before marriage is no longer taboo, having those honest conversations about wants and needs between the sheets is not always natural for everyone.

Sure, you may need time to be truly comfortable with these discussions, but you're going to want to work out the kinks before committing to a lifetime of monogamy. Do you act differently with you partner than when you're hanging out with your family or best friends? It's normal to have a different vibe with your guy as long as it remains positive. If you pick up that you're suddenly snarkier or more judgmental when you two are together, perhaps it's not an ideal fit.

Arguments are important aspects of a healthy relationship—even Disney movies have quarrels. It's completely unrealistic to think that your marriage is going to be rainbows and unicorns as long as you both shall live. Fights are practice runs for learning how to deal with conflict.

Admitting fault, finding a resolution and apologizing are all important components of being a grown-up—a prerequisite for getting married. You're pretty much saying that someone who has more than 1 or 2 kids can never raise them to be good human beings. The myth that "children are soooo expensive" is just that - a myth.

What's more, many countries actually pay you to have children. Schools in most Western countries are free. A 22 year old girl posting constantly on social media, wanting to get drunk with her friends, and too emotionally immature to not cause fights all the time isn't going to be a good mom.

You realize it's not just about getting the resources necessary to support a family, right? You have to know what the heck to do with those resources in the first place. And no, even SAHMs can be terrible mothers at young ages simply because of lack of life experience. Even marrying a billionaire isn't going to change that. I feel like the debate has changed to number of kids vs. If we're talking about number of kids, then yes, women who begin to have children at 20 can happily pop out one every two years before hitting the wall on her 30th birthday.

If we're talking about quality on the other hand, then the less number of kids you have, then the more resources you have on hand to spend on them.

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Never will I ever say that women who have more than one or two kids can never raise them well, there are many women on this sub who do exactly that! But, I don't think even they will disagree with me when I say that taking two kids on regular vacations is much cheaper than taking five kids on regular vacations. Speaking from my own personal experience as well, people with more than three kids struggle to divide the resources between five demanding children. And families with less children have more money and more time to allow the kids to explore themselves.

And no, children being expensive is not a myth, even in Western countries where you are subsidized for popping out human resource. But that's the thing, it's one thing to pop out babies, it's another to develop all ten into amazing human resource. If you have a thing against 30, then fine. But it is essential that women get some life experience before having children. Also I don't know any 20 year olds who are completely financially independent and debt free.

Because having kids while swimming in debt is so, so fun, isn't it? And the excuse "she can just lock down a beta provider" doesn't work with me, because then she has to be the one to inculcate good values and work ethics into her kids. A year of steady dating is enough to know someone well and get engaged, but probably two is safer. I've sort of noticed I've never gotten past two years of an LTR because if it never got to the marriage stage by then I called it quits, usually because we realized we weren't right for each other in the end. Our courtship length was 14 months total.

But, back when I was 28, I had my stuff together, I knew exactly who I was, exactly what I wanted, and went after it without looking back. I've never taken long to decide how far I'd be willing to go with someone, but I want to know that my partner is committed, adaptable, and capable of personal growth. Those things are harder to assess when you're young! I don't have an upper cap I don't want kids so marriage isn't urgent, but I want to get married before 30 , but after a couple of years if it's not something that's been discussed This can vary from months to years depending on the couple.

I screwed up and waited to long on a man. He led me to believe we would go further and but it never happened.

He was jaded from his previous marriage and I paid the price of trying to meet his unrealistic expectations. I honestly don't think he would have ever left me, he would just hang on while I never could seem to prove myself. Stupid on my part. I should have stayed gone the first time I left him. He would come begging to get back with me and I would hope things would be different. It never changed, same crap different day.

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Things would be better if I would just do this, change that, stop doing this I am beyond grateful that we didn't marry. I realize how unhappy I was and the damage it caused me. If you google "emotional manipulation" you would see his full description. I think it depends on the couple's view of divorce is divorce an actual option.

How long should two be dating before engagement/marriage? : RedPillWomen

If divorce isn't an option, I think engagement somewhere between 6 months and a year is reasonable, married about a year later. If it is, then at least 3 years Do note I came from a culture of people dating for the sole purpose of getting married and puts finances etc at the forefront before ever meeting the person for the first time.


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When it comes to how long to date, in my eyes there is no maximum. Some people don't even want to get married, so they'll just date forever. However, I think that dating less than a year before being engaged is too short. It doesn't give you enough time to accurately get to know someone well enough to decide if you want to spend the rest of your life with them.

Engagements should take however long it takes to plan a wedding and get your lives in order. That could be a few months or a few years, all depending on what needs to happen before the two become one.


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I know for me, I'm in a good spot but my SO wants to finish trade school which will be about two years. My example is definately not typical, I was a U.

How Long Is Too Long to Wait to Get Engaged?

We began dating essentially immediately after we met, April, and I proposed at Christmas, although I made my intentions very clear a couple of months before that, and we were married the following April. Just one couples path that worked out well. Use of this site constitutes acceptance of our User Agreement and Privacy Policy. Log in or sign up in seconds. Submit a new text post. Get an ad-free experience with special benefits, and directly support Reddit.

RedPillWomen subscribe unsubscribe 28, readers 58 users here now This community was created as a harbor for RP minded women whose goal is to build a lasting and happy relationship with a great man.


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Even though everyone—your parents and extended family members and friends—will have an opinion on the matter, from "You're jumping in too quickly! Only you can know when you're ready to take the next step. But as a baseline, Ian Kerner , PhD, LMFT, licensed psychotherapist, couple's therapist and author of She Comes First , suggests that one to two years is often a good amount of time to date before getting engaged. And generally, that can happen in a year You want to have some problems emerge and see how you deal with problems together. For me, it's more about the range of experiences that lend themselves to compatibility rather than the amount of time.

How Long Should You Date Before Getting Married/Engaged? (Christian Dating Tips)

Tammy Nelson , PhD, licensed relationship therapist, board-certified sexologist and author of The New Monogamy and Getting the Sex You Want , also believes that while each couple's situation is different, it's most important to learn how to communicate when you have a conflict, rather than focus on the time frame.